our motto is: make a ruckus
July has felt like a hard month around here. I’ve been focusing on the bad and totally losing sight of all the good, despite my efforts to avoid such things.
The elation of June has passed and the reality of July has long since set in. Our craigslist lawnmower was no bargain after all, spending more time broken then fixed. Hank has tirelessly been working on it and mowing on it, and yet still the grass grows ever longer. Tinker had a blowout too, I forgot to flip the fan switch on a hot day and she blew a gasket, so she’s outta commission for a while. Plus, this has been the month of rain. Nearly two solid weeks of serious rain and in marched the blight on the tomatoes and general unhealthyness in most of the rest of the garden. It also put a damper on Hank and I’s plans to MTB the hell out of this summer. Our favorite local trail got seriously flooded and had tons of damage.
In spite of all of this and my bad mood and overwhelmedness about everything, I have been working myself around to a positive resolution these past couple of days. I’ve been trying to see past it all, and put my finger on just why I got into this mess of a project in the first place. Somehow I’d lost touch with the beauty of the work.
But today I could see it. Today I could see how much Hank has been enjoying his new dirt bike and is having tons of fun while making trails that will be able to MTB on soon. Today I could see how cool it is that even though the maters are dying, I still grew enough plants that we can harvest enough maters at one time to actually be able to make something. I smiled about how awesome it is to have farmer friends as a backup plan. Today I could appreciate that the rain and sick plants forced me to look for the next step in the garden and I’m now happily reading about soil tests and amendments and laughing about how similar this all feels to the glaze research I did in school. And I smiled about the incrediblness of eating and enjoying wild mushrooms and good food in general! I smile about new friends and family. I smiled about the awesomeness of the people around me. And I smiled about all this thinking I’ve been doing. I smiled about our ability to change our mind and decide differently then we decided before.
Basically, today I was able to remember. I remembered that I’m here to make this place beautiful and that this is already beautiful. That I am already beautiful. That I’m here because I want to be here. I’m here because I love art and I love doing the work, and I chose Hawk-Mo as a good place to explore those two things, in unison and separately. Hawk-Mo is itself a giant art project and that is the biggest big picture I need to keep in mind throughout all the hardships and difficulties and setbacks. I want to help this place shine as I know it can. I already see it pretty, but I can see it much prettier still. I want to create big bold flower gardens, romantic little nature spots, bad ass trails, eccentric homy little functional cabins. I want to add color to everything. Walls and animal houses need paint, gardens need flowers, houses need windows, pastures need fences and animals.
Balancing this desire to make art with the whispering voice in the back of my head (the Resistance), is damn fucking hard. The Resistance would have me believe that all art is useless, but most especially this art. That I’m wasting my time and spending money I don’t need to spend. The Resistance makes me question everything. It makes me wonder, always, if I’m on the right track. It makes me into a second guesser. The Resistance sucks. Except for when you dig in and decide you’re going to beat it. Here and now I’m calling it out.
I’m here to create ever more beauty in this world, at Hawk-Mo and beyond. Burning Man I thank you. Never would I have thought to take this on without you. But nowhere else are people engaging in such absurdity, and going to such great lengths to share their art, their amazing amazing art, all just for the hell of it. Nowhere else have I ever felt so inspired to take on that which calls me and yet doesn’t completely make sense to me yet. And in a sentence that is the how and why we got to Hawk-Mo – both the physical place and the mental space.
I’ll leave you with pictures: