The Hawk-Mo Hotwire

Micro Entrepreneurism, Simple Living & Art

im perhaps my own worst enemy

so ive always sorta believed that i am a fairly tolerant and laid back person. i dont let things bother me, unless they are big, huge, ginormous, and then i do something about them. essentially i looked at it from the perspective of why let it bother me, and why bother the other person, when in the great wide scheme of things it doesnt really matter. id be making a big deal out of nothing. i didnt want to be that nit picky person.

truth be told, i am really just stabbing myself in the foot…. or cutting my nose off to spite my face. whichever one you like better. here’s why: definitely more things bother me then i let on, but i keep it all inside because i dont want to be a pest. i have a hard time communicating to people when something bothers me because i feel like it would be inappropriate, or that i have no right to, or that ill sound demanding. but all this does is make stuff grow inside of me to the point of combustion. some things i know i can still let roll because i can talk myself around feeling upset about them, but other things just pile on top of each other until i really flip out, and the other person has no idea where its coming from because they dont live inside my head. its unfair to them.

i guess i need to make a concerted effort to make a better distinction between the things that i am overreacting about and the things that actually bother me and could potentially be fixed if the other person was aware what and why it bothers me. but i can make progress on both sides of this sliding scale. i can have less expectations or rules and i can practice sharing those expectations and rules with the people i expect to follow them, in such a way that it doesnt sound as demanding as i think it is. i need to work on my presentation to others, and my presentation to myself.

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About mudly

Mud is main blog writer extraordinaire, picture guru, and the garden and adventure instigator. She loves to cook, but doesn’t much like following a recipe. She also loves typewriters, the color turquoise, and wearing tie dye with stripes. And she dorks out on permies.com while dreaming up and planning her next garden.

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This entry was posted on October 13, 2008 by in Changes.

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