The Hawk-Mo Hotwire

Micro Entrepreneurism, Simple Living & Art

the re-think

I took mom to see Keller Williams for the first time last night and as I’m standing there, zoning in and out of his grooves, my brain wandered far and wide.

By now it seems a little late to mention, but as of late I’ve been heavily delving into the ways and thinking of Zen and Buddhism. The more I read, the more I want to read. The more I try and practice, the more I notice little differences, and the more I want to do. Basically, I can’t get enough right now.

So last night, I came home and wrote the previous post, of which, I have edited no less then three times today. I tend to be quick to press publish, and then almost obsessive about re-reading and making sure it says what I meant it to. Eeek. I worry that somebody is going to get the wrong impression. That they are going to think my words harsh, however unintentionally they may be so, and that as a result, I will be judged and further pushed away.

I am struggling with a desire to communicate things more dynamically. Writing seems to be my only available option at this point, and its concreteness, its finality, its lack of room for response and explanation and understanding and empathy, feels cold and harsh. Even to me. So I want to write perfectly, but really all I’m doing is working on the rough draft.

On the contrary, I can sit here and tell you that I know perfection isn’t really something I want. What I’m really after is my own acceptance of where I am. An understanding that I will always be able to improve upon where I am and what I’ve done. Rather then be upset knowing that I could have done better, I should be excited about the opportunity to improve from where I am now with my new found insight or experience. So I’m trying to remember to have a little love and compassion for myself and for everybody else that’s just trying to write their rough draft too.

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About mudly

Mud is main blog writer extraordinaire, picture guru, and the garden and adventure instigator. She loves to cook, but doesn’t much like following a recipe. She also loves typewriters, the color turquoise, and wearing tie dye with stripes. And she dorks out on permies.com while dreaming up and planning her next garden.

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This entry was posted on February 28, 2010 by in Everything All in One Place and tagged .

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