The Hawk-Mo Hotwire

Micro Entrepreneurism, Simple Living & Art

be as you are

I used to keep up two distinct personalities or personas. I had a public self and a private self, and there was relatively impereable barrier between the two. I did this on purpose. People liked my public self a lot. I was independent, strong, and happy all the time. I was an inspiration. I thought they’d like me less if they knew the other side of me.

At some point, I realized that I didn’t want to keep the two separate anymore. That when I met people, I wanted to be one person. A whole person. Take me as I am in my entirety and if you still want to know me, cool. If not, then I probably don’t really want to know you either.

I didn’t like that I had this dividing line and that I thought it was a big deal when somebody crossed it, when they started to see the real me. I realized it shouldn’t be a big deal, it should just be. So I worked really hard at taking down my barrier. And I have continued to work hard to make sure I keep it down.

And I think I have stronger relationships because of it. Less fluff.

I’d be willing to bet that people still think of me as independent, strong, and happy, but everybody knows that that isn’t all there is. I have my bad days, weeks, months just like anybody else. Trying to be what I thought other people wanted and needed me to be was exhausting. The shift took some getting used to, and it was/is most definitely a conscious effort every day with every person, but its helped me grow immensely. I am more comfortable and more connected and more challenged.

You can hide who you are forever, but that would mean you’d be passing up perhaps life’s richest opportunity- connection. Trusting people to know you, opens up an opportunity for you to get to know them on a deeper level. Ultimately, we crave these connections. They are what make our lives a rich, meaningful and colorful place.

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About mudly

Mud is main blog writer extraordinaire, picture guru, and the garden and adventure instigator. She loves to cook, but doesn’t much like following a recipe. She also loves typewriters, the color turquoise, and wearing tie dye with stripes. And she dorks out on permies.com while dreaming up and planning her next garden.

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This entry was posted on March 20, 2010 by in Everything All in One Place and tagged .

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