The Hawk-Mo Hotwire

Micro Entrepreneurism, Simple Living & Art

gettin better at fluxin

You know- that constant that is change, the one that we’re afraid of that we like to believe we’re not afraid of that I honestly think I’m becoming less afraid of… that is the flux im talkin’ bout. I’ve been scared of getting involved because I’m scared of what it will feel like when it ends. But I’m coming around to feeling comfortable with the inevitability of this process. Kind of like in yoga when I realize I’m getting better at balancing because I am no longer fighting the small movements of my body and instead I am just learning to be balanced in spite of them. Things are what they are in this moment, and needing to know something is going to be there in the future in order to enjoy it now is just sillyness. I’m shooting for moments, moments now, not moments later. Moments later happen because of moments now. Now is the time to experience them, just as they are, without the unnecessary baggage and useless attempts at control.

These thoughts still run through my head though: Scared to start because I’m not sure how it will end. Or maybe just scared that it will end. Scared of how that will feel. Scared of how it felt the last time…. but they are dimmer.

Brighter in my mind is the comfort of knowing that time will always pass, and the changes that that inevitably holds are wildly full of potential for anything and everything. Basically, its wide open. And nobody goes into anything knowing exactly how its going to turn out. Truth be told, I wouldn’t really want to know anyways. That’d spoil something. It would ruin the unknown possibility for glory. The surprise. The delight. Knowing would become one giant limiting belief in a predetermined destiny- like those awful movies where people find out just exactly when and how they are going to die.

So I keep doing things, and I trust myself to make it through no matter how it turns out. I should know from past experience that I do, and that I will, and that so far, I’ve always come out ahead- better, stronger, smarter, and even more prepared (is there even such a thing?) for the next time. Maybe its prepared in the sense of being prepared for the unknown, being prepared to adapt, prepared to change, prepared to persevere.

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About mudly

Mud is main blog writer extraordinaire, picture guru, and the garden and adventure instigator. She loves to cook, but doesn’t much like following a recipe. She also loves typewriters, the color turquoise, and wearing tie dye with stripes. And she dorks out on permies.com while dreaming up and planning her next garden.

One comment on “gettin better at fluxin

  1. perfectperfectionist
    October 28, 2010

    Love your post, best of luck with embracing the flux :).

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This entry was posted on October 28, 2010 by in Everything All in One Place.

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