The Hawk-Mo Hotwire

Micro Entrepreneurism, Simple Living & Art

Learning to dream bigger and better

This post is part of The Write On Project
Topic: New Year’s Eve

It’s the end of December. In fact, its exactly the end. December 31st. The end of a month, the end of a year. The middle of Winter. There is still snow on the ground. Leftovers from our White Christmas. My first White Christmas. And I’m sitting outside, on our deck, looking at mountains, blue sky, and ridiculously bright sunshine. Pure sunshine. I’m soaking it up. I’m warm.

Two days ago I was told to write. These instructions didn’t come from anybody, they just came. So I started to write about this year. Last year to this year, to next year. I am my own main character. My mother is my co-star. Our plot is neither thick, nor twisty, but it is fast paced and full of whims and good karma. Or so I think. It’s also got pesky questioning little voices, depression, darkness and stubborn forward momentum. To sum it up – we made it to 2011. And so here we are. Here I am.

To break it down, it seems appropriate to start with New Year’s morning 2010. I woke up hopeful, but disappointed. Much like every other New Year’s Eve since my adulthood, it just hadn’t been awesome. It wasn’t epic. It didn’t seem worthy of ringing in the New Year. Instead, it had been just another night – and not even a really good one. I woke up wishing I had just stayed home.

So this year – fearing I was facing the same destiny – and dreading it, I asked myself what would be an appropriate way to end/celebrate/admire/appreciate one year and look forward to the next. Which is how I got to be writing this. And how I got to be sitting on the deck soaking up the sunshine and the view. It’s also how I really got to thinking about my intentions for 2011.

I spose I’ve thought about intentions for a while now, but giving them that name is a fairly new exercise for me. It feels a little grown up. And a little Buddhist. And a little hippitastic. But most of all, it feels right.

I was told I have a million seeds inside of me, waiting to grow, and if I could pick just one to let grow, which would it be. At first I thought “identity.” But that was too abstract. What is this identity? To me, its a feeling of me. Its an understanding of me. Its the experience of me for me. Its me, alone. Not sadly, or happily, just me. Still too abstract. I pushed further, I wanted a vision of myself in this search for identity. I wanted a concrete image. And what appeared surprised me, and of course, made me smile.

It’s my untouched dream from the summer before I left for college: Driving around the country in a VW bus. I want to see places, and write about them, and take pictures, and experience them. I don’t need company. I don’t even think I want company. It would change it. I would be distracted. Worried if they were enjoying themselves. The dynamic of solitude is what this adventure calls for.

Really, its just a matter of finding a van and saving some gas money.

I want to go see nature.
I want to stand on the Pacific coast and swim in that ocean.
I want to stand small in front of monsterous Redwoods.
I want to see the other small hippie towns of America.
Kansas cornfields.
Arizona desert.
Colorado mountains.
Utah rocks.
Oregon coast.
Washington state.
Hot springs?
Real cowboys?
I’m sure I’ve left some things out.

And I want to take Ayla (my dog). My typewriter. Camera. Journal(s). And a drum. And a bike. And some books. Probably Clan of the Cave Bear and Valley of the Horses.

So there it is. All laid out as best as I have it pictured. It feels BIG. But part of what 2010 taught me, is that I must dream BIGGER.

P.S. One more detail – the bus is two tone – lime green and white.












*Check out the other posts in this installment of The Write On Project:
Pickles On My Burger by Lick The Fridge

The Evolution of My Party Pants


About mudly

Mud is main blog writer extraordinaire, picture guru, and the garden and adventure instigator. She loves to cook, but doesn’t much like following a recipe. She also loves typewriters, the color turquoise, and wearing tie dye with stripes. And she dorks out on while dreaming up and planning her next garden.

10 comments on “Learning to dream bigger and better

  1. Meka
    December 31, 2010

    Nothing is too big Mud. If you believe it you can achieve it… go big and the journey will take you places you never dreamed of. You will never regret it and years later it wil still bring a smile to your face and lighten your day.

    Happy New Years Mud! May all your dreams come true and if I can help make any of them a reality, then by all means let me know how and I will be honored to do so!

    • mudly
      January 1, 2011

      Meka! I struggle to put into words what our friendship/connection means to me. But trust me when I say, its BIG too. Maybe BIG is my word for 2011. 🙂

      Know where I can get an old VW camper that mostly works?

    • Meka
      January 8, 2011

      Mud I can’t tell you how much that means to me. The Big Feeling is comin right back at ya!!! Now on the VW….I’m on it since I am in the market myself for one. Been looking for some time and my deadline( more on that later) is coming up. Sooo I’ve got my eyes peeled for a lime green VW:)

  2. Pingback: Pickles On My Burger | lick the fridge

  3. Jared Karol
    January 1, 2011


    Great post. I’m so glad you wrote it and participated in The Write On Project. I really liked your story and your writing style. I too when on a trip around the US in my truck for four months – was the summer of ’98. Had a great time, saw the country, learned a lot about myself, who I was, what I wanted to do.

    I’m glad to have connected. Hope to read more of your writing soon.

    Your new friend,


    • mudly
      January 1, 2011

      Thanks for the kind words Jared!
      The post turned out even better then I had hoped for. It all just kinda flowed out of the day. It was perfect. I have reread it this morning and I like it even more!

      And yes, the connection is good. As always, it will be interesting to see where it goes…

      I’d love to hear more about your trip… Perhaps you could write a post or two?

  4. Pingback: The Evolution of My Party Pants | Thoughtful Pop

  5. Mitchell Brown
    January 1, 2011

    Mud, this is awesome. What I love about your writing is that it’s like sitting in front of you listening to you talk – I can hear you. I can’t wait to read what you write about your journey. Thanks for playing us and posting in TWOP – you’re much appreciated, my friend. I hope you and your mom have a wonderful New Year.

    • mudly
      January 9, 2011

      What’s funny Mitchell, is that until you said that, I didn’t really realize it. But you’re right – it is how I talk. And the informalness of my writing has always made me feel like it needs a warning label or something, like its less real. I’m beginning to see that that is not so much the case, as it was more my own bias. Things are percolating in my brain (as they do), stay tuned for next post 🙂

  6. Jared Karol
    January 4, 2011

    yes, I think a post or two on travel would be appropriate. Thanks for the inspiration.

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This entry was posted on December 31, 2010 by in Everything All in One Place and tagged , , , .

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