The Hawk-Mo Hotwire

Micro Entrepreneurism, Simple Living & Art

finding gratitude

Most of us don’t make our big life choices based on whether or not we think they’re going to be easy. I’m talking school, career, relationship, and children type choices here. Even if on the surface things seem tough, and we wish they were easier or better in the moment. Deep down we know easy isn’t what we want. Easy doesn’t change us. Easy hasn’t made us who we are, and it won’t make us anything else in the future. Easy doesn’t teach us things, except that we aren’t up to the challenge of anything else, which is only true if you don’t try.

I have been emailing a good friend of mine about some of things rolling around in my brain these days, and she wrote back, “Wow, you have a lot on your plate too. Isn’t it a beautiful thing?” And I thought, why yes, yes indeed it is. Deep down, I do LOVE all this writing and self exploration and change. I mean, I like really really LOVE it. As in, I miss it when I’m not doing it. I feel like a part of me is gone and I don’t know where it went or how to get it back. And yet some days it makes me sad. Some days I wish I had learned a lesson better the last time or learned faster this time. Some days I wish I could erase things I’ve said or done. Some days the challenge gets the better of me. But all the other days, and really even those days, deep down I’m thankful that this is who I am. That I care, and feel, and learn, and grow, and stretch, and challenge myself. Deep down, all of it makes me proud to be me.

I will leave you with this:

I read a book recently titled The Dirty Life that’s about a couple that moves to a farm in upstate New York and attempts to start a year round, full diet CSA. Their idea was to provide all the dietary needs (meat, dairy, veggies, grains, and maple sugar) of a community, a concept that had never been done before. Not an easy choice indeed, and when the topic of failure came up for discussion this is what was written:

“Of course we had a chance, he’d say, and anyway, it didn’t matter if this venture failed. In his view, we were already a success, because we were doing something hard and it was something that mattered to us. You don’t measure things like that with words like success and failure. Satisfaction comes from trying hard things and then going on to the next hard thing, regardless of the outcome. What mattered was whether or not you were moving in a direction you thought was right.”

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About mudly

Mud is main blog writer extraordinaire, picture guru, and the garden and adventure instigator. She loves to cook, but doesn’t much like following a recipe. She also loves typewriters, the color turquoise, and wearing tie dye with stripes. And she dorks out on permies.com while dreaming up and planning her next garden.

One comment on “finding gratitude

  1. Meka
    January 13, 2011

    I love this post Mud. We had this discussion with some friends of ours just a few weeks ago. My sentiment was, it isn’t easy, but the reward is greater. Our friend said “you have to fail to succeed”. I agree with him. failing (or not getting the desired outcome-fail is sort of a harsh word in my book) teaches you many things. It helps you define yourself and your goal. Once you realize it’s ok to have failed then there is nothing to be afraid of the next time you try. What we don’t realize is how much we learn from the experience. In the end there is no failure.It was a learning experience that made us better and stronger and wiser. You should be proud of you. your an amazing person.

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This entry was posted on January 13, 2011 by in Everything All in One Place.

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