The Hawk-Mo Hotwire

Micro Entrepreneurism, Simple Living & Art

The answer is in fact ‘7’

Why is it that I can see an opportunity to move forward and I don’t take it? Why do I choose to settle for what I already have even when I know in my heart that I’m capable of more? Why do I see it and believe it but not fully trust it? Do I really think that trusting what I have is safer? Apparently.

And then one day I wake up feeling courageous. I wake up feeling scared, but ready. Afraid of tomorrow, and the day after that, and what the unknown future holds, but willing to put my faith in the universe and what it will bring to me when I decide to leave the comfort of the status quo behind in exchange for the tension and fear of what is possible.

The world has taught me that it is possible. Every time I have ever made a decision like this it has worked out for the better. Every time I wish for myself that I do it sooner the next time and every time I do. The fear hurdle gets no less scary, but it does get easier to overcome, because every time I get gutsier. If I think about it, I should have all the confidence in the world to get through it. I know it is possible. I just have to get past the fear of taking these first steps.

So I embrace the strong tension in my chest and I let it trump any whiny pathetic voice that pops into my head. Chest tension eats fear for breakfast. Whiny pathetic voices don’t even make it through the first round.

I said on Facebook that I am embracing the answer to the question that has been staring me in the face. Giving it an extra squeezy hippie hug in fact. And Mitchell asked if the answer was ‘7’ and I must say I smiled, but didn’t immediately think so, until I started counting out all the times I could remember this chest tension phenomenon:
1. When I got fired/quit from my real estate secretary job and suddenly my existence depended on RAGGEDedge
2. Towards the end of my existence at the Clearwater Community Sailing Center when the world of politics was against me and I could do no right
3. When I sent Chris Redd a “don’t ever speak to me again” email
4. When I sent Davis Island Yacht Club an email saying I would not hold practice until I was given complete emergency contact information for all my students
5.  When I contacted the guy who hired me at Mantoloking Yacht Club to inform him that the head instructor was a slack ass
6. When I told ebags that we hadn’t agreed to sell our products at a discount and if that is what they intended to do then they could shove it
7. And right now

And what makes me smile even more, what makes this whole post beautiful and awesome – is that every time I was standing up for myself or for what I believed in, regardless of the seemingly negative possible repercussions.


About mudly

Mud is main blog writer extraordinaire, picture guru, and the garden and adventure instigator. She loves to cook, but doesn’t much like following a recipe. She also loves typewriters, the color turquoise, and wearing tie dye with stripes. And she dorks out on while dreaming up and planning her next garden.

One comment on “The answer is in fact ‘7’

  1. Meka
    February 18, 2011

    Can I tell you what I see about those seven things? I see a woman who needs a standing ovation. The jump to relying only Only on RAGGEDEdge…the universe handed that gift to you and your mom. Step out of your shoes and look at yourselves…Your the real deal. The sailing center has never been the same since you left. Believe me….We still have to go there …ALOT! You shaped young lives. One of which is now in my hands and he still highly of you.Looking through the eyes of a child is when you really see what is important in life. You made the difference. Chris Redd…. well I saw that as an outsider and I hated to watch the whole process because I hated that you had to feel the emotions I read on your face. You found a part of yourself you will never forget. A part that is stronger than you think and the part that should be reminding you everyday that you deserve more. Davis Island….WTF…You were a responsible adult and I know there are parents who are very thankful for your conviction.Mantoloking…Didn’t know that one, but I know the club. Again lives were made better by your decision to stand up. ebags…Everyone is trying to get us for less than we are worth…Only we dtermine our value and you did that. The now, the present….There is a vibe about you now that radiates across state lines… You are stronger than ever and no matter what the outcome the worst case scenario is still pretty good. You have been a platform for others to do just this.(me) Stand up for what you believe because you are right on. I rambled…sorry.

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This entry was posted on February 18, 2011 by in Everything All in One Place.

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