The Hawk-Mo Hotwire

Micro Entrepreneurism, Simple Living & Art

Excuses are Security Blankets for Grown-ups

There will always be excuses. I will always have them when I want them and nobody can ever take them away.

Whatever it is that I want to do, or don’t want to do, I can come up with a reason for why I’m doing what I’m doing instead of doing what I say I want to be doing. That sounded very Alice-in-Wonderland-like. But its true.

And often the flip side of excuses is truth. The facts stated without bias.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said, written, and gone slightly mad, thinking about how I’m not ready for X. Whatever X may be. X is the variable. But whatever X is, it apparently makes me nervous, because as much as I say I want it, I don’t.

X has been many things. Its been everything from relationships, to chickens, to mountain bike races, to writing, to calling people, to making cheese.

My reasons for not being ready for these things vary, depending of course, on what X is. For relationships – I’m not ready because I have a pretty bad track record, and I’m tired of choosing the wrong guy and then letting the break up hurt so bad. I tell myself I’ll be ready when I’m strong enough to love freely, and to know, no matter what, I will always be OK. Thing is, am I really going to get any better without practice? Each time I have learned things, and each time I have come out the other side – both OK and with a greater sense of what the possibility of love might really look like, even if I haven’t seen it yet.

As much fun as I think it’d be, and as good for me as I know it would be, to try eliminating excuses (do you hear an excuse coming on?) altogether, I simply don’t think that’s possible. There’s too many. What is possible, is recognizing them when I use them, and figuring out why, and if I really do want to change that.

From there, I can take one small step in that direction and I have put my excuse to rest, at least for the time being. My one step tonight is this post. What’s yours?

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About mudly

Mud is main blog writer extraordinaire, picture guru, and the garden and adventure instigator. She loves to cook, but doesn’t much like following a recipe. She also loves typewriters, the color turquoise, and wearing tie dye with stripes. And she dorks out on permies.com while dreaming up and planning her next garden.

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This entry was posted on April 12, 2011 by in Changes.

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